We’re still not where we’re going but we’re still not where we were.
-Natasha Josefowitz
For those of you who have a really hard time knowing who you are—what you like, what you want, what your purpose is—this post is for you. I used to be at the same place. Years ago I could not tell you much about myself—what I liked, what were my dreams, what I wanted out of life. If you are at a similar place, let me share how you can begin to discover the real you.
There are many ways to begin this journey. One of those ways that we’ll look at this week is our emotions. Our emotions tell us a lot about who we are. Our emotions can reveal to us what is going on deep within us. Sometimes what emotions reveal is good, other times—well, maybe not so good. If we’re experiencing similar emotions over and over when in a similar setting, it may have to do with who we are and how we are individually designed. Emotions that occur again and again indicate that something is being touched deep inside of us—and it may just have to do with our design, with who we really are.
Two of the strongest emotions that can reveal what’s deep inside of us are anger and tears. Tears aren’t really an emotion – it’s the result of various emotions. But for this discussion(!), we’ll call tears an emotion.
Let’s start with anger. Have you ever been talking with someone and out of the blue they say something and just like that you feel your anger rising to the surface? That just happened to me yesterday! In that case, I thought it best to quickly walk away – so I did. But I haven’t walked away from the emotion. My goal is to look at that anger, discover what is going on underneath it, then deal with it appropriately.
As we process through anger, we’ll often find that a disappointment may be underneath. As we allow the disappointment to surface, the tears fall and the heart aches. As we continue to unpack the emotions, we may begin to realize that our reactions reveal more about who we are.
Let’s go back to my anger moment yesterday. I have yet to completely unpack the emotions, but as I ponder the moment, there may be several things going on. One, it’s possible that I have allowed boundaries to be crossed—which means, I may be sacrificing who I am to make someone else happy. In the long run, that doesn’t work. I cannot make that person happy, but more importantly, if I can identify that boundary, then I have just learned more about how I am designed. The other thing that could be going on is that the person is making choices that do not align with something that I am passionate about. That will naturally make me angry. The anger isn’t necessarily wrong. In fact, the anger is actually very helpful in helping me understand how I am designed.
If I go back to that ‘anger’ moment, I realize that one of my passions is helping others realize and understand who they really are – so they can live life aligned to their design. When I see a decision being made that seemingly takes them farther from that realization, something within me will react. It’s a part of my design.
The other emotion that tells us about ourselves is ‘tears’—those times where we are deeply moved. It may be from something we hear, or something we see. Maybe it happens when we’re standing on the beach, or maybe it surfaces while reading a book, or when we hear a stirring piece of music. Such recurring moments reveal more about who we are. Study those moments. What is it about the moment that touches us so deeply? It will be different for each of us, but those moments are insightful treasures.
Let me give you an example. I am in a season of seemingly too many tearful moments. They come quickly and they come unexpectedly. Yet, even as I sometimes fight those tears, I sense there’s something much deeper going on. I have yet to know what it is all about, but as each of these ‘treasured’ moments occurs, something else is released inside and I’m learning a bit more about who I am and how I am designed.
What about you? What brings your emotions to the surface? Let’s pay attention to those emotions and begin to understand who we really are and how we are uniquely designed.
15/05/2009 at 6:13 pm Permalink
I feel that sometimes I do to much for others….meaning I do and do and do for others and they never seem to appreciate it. The more I do for them the more they want out of me.. but they never seem to want to do anything for me. I get angry very easily anymore..and yes I cry at the drop of a hat. I seem to wear my heart on my sleeve and get hurt often because of it. I am single, and well I keep going for the wrong men who seem to hurt me. I dont know how to be single…. how to live without a man in my life. I hate it but I hate hurting even more. These men just seem to use me for one thing and well as soon as they get what they want they are gone…. as my momma says ” Why buy the cow when ya get the milk for free”….
17/05/2009 at 6:04 pm Permalink
Anonymous,
I hear what you are saying and I wish I could give you a hug. Sometimes the world just doesn’t seem fair. I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying.
Your anger and crying at the drop of a hat sounds like depression. You can always see people that look like they have a better life or better times than you have. You don’t know what they are going through though. You can find people that are doing worse than you too. Maybe look at others and be thankful that you don’t have their troubles. You can go to a doctor to see if you need medication for depression. Sometimes reading the Bible and talking to some really good friends helps. Most of the time our friends can talk to us and get us to see positive things that are going on in our lives that we are too depressed to see. It’s good to have friends that are supportive and willing to look out for us. Friendship, like any relationship, is a two way street. Sometimes we are giving and sometimes we take. Friendship should never be one sided.
You might want to look at your past relationships and see if you can figure out why you picked the men in your life. Was it because they reminded you of one of your parents? Was it because you’re afraid of relationships and only pick men that you know won’t be long-term in your life? See what answers you can come up with.
For some reason you don’t believe you are worthy of respect. You allow men to use you and when you do this then you only hurt yourself. No matter what you have done in the past or what you are doing now – you are worthy of respect. Take a good, long look at yourself. See all the yucky stuff inside and tell yourself – Yes, I messed up. I didn’t always make good choices, but I’m going to try to make better ones. Pray about it and see if God can help you through it. You’re still going to mess up because you’re only human. With God and good friends, you can do anything. Every time you mess up, pick yourself up and try again. There’s a book called Boundaries – I don’t remember the author’s name. Buy it and the workbook and see if that helps you make better decisions.
Are you giving to others and doing for others to get something in return? If you expect anything more than thank you then you’re trying to manipulate others by giving things to them or doing things for them. Give because you want to – not because you expect anything in return. If you’re feeling used, then stop giving or doing for that person.
Make sure you don’t try to use or manipulate others. You know what it’s like to be used and manipulated so make sure you don’t do it to others. It’s destructive no matter what side of it you’re on. You can do this. Read the blog – Brenda’s Journey Discoveries April 30, 2009. She’s a really great lady and can speak to your heart. God knows how SPECIAL you are and He LOVES YOU very much no matter what you’ve done.
20/05/2009 at 7:07 pm Permalink
Unknown,
I am reminded of the passage in Colossians 3,
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
This is how I approach doing things for others. You might be like me, in that when someone asks me to do something for them, 9.5 times out 10, I will do it, even if they don’t show any appreciation (although most times they do). Another thing I would add, is that there is a very powerful word that people like you and me CAN use…that word is “NO!!”. It is O.K. to say No to people who want something from you that you do NOT want to give, nor should you give it until you are ready to. Turn to God when you are hurting. Talk to Him as if He were sitting next to you. He will give you comfort. Be blessed.