Great listeners make great friends. They also make great mentors, great coaches, great leaders.
The simple act of listening well gives value to those around you. How do we listen well?
Be Quiet!
Someone that listens well doesn’t feel the need to fill quiet with words. A pause in the conversation, a break from the chatter – these are actually powerful communication tools. Sometimes more can be spoken in a pause or in the midst of quiet, than can be spoken out loud. A respite from words lets what’s deep inside us surface. There’s treasure deep inside each person. Allow the deep to surface in the quiet.
Don’t Interrupt
It’s rude. It devalues the person speaking. When you’re having a pleasant conversation with a friend or a spouse and they are sharing their thoughts or a story, let them share. You can add thoughts and comments when there’s a pause in the conversation. If you tend to forget your thoughts or comments, jot down a note. Then bring it up when they’ve finished their thoughts.
I would add that there are a few exceptions to not interrupting. Most of the time it is rude but there are a few occasions where it’s necessary to interrupt. For example, it’s good to interrupt constant negativity.
Ask Questions
This is one of my favorites. Asking questions indicates you care. Questions invite others to share. It values them. It communicates interest. Its say I want to know more about you.
Observe
Often times there’s more said in the body language and in what’s not said than in what is spoken. What is their body language saying? What aren’t they saying? Depending on the type of relationship, you may have an open door to explore unspoken words, or you may just have to be aware of what you are picking up.
Clarify Your Understanding
It’s surprising how the very same words can mean two very different things to two different people. As you converse with others, make it a point to verify your understanding. This can be done by simply stating “If I understand you correctly, you’re saying….”. Or, “Just to make sure I understand, …” Or, “So what you’re saying is ….. Right?”
Tell them you care
Some of the most meaningful words spoken to me recently are “I care about what you do.” It’s only six words, but I felt those six words go right to my very soul when they were spoken to me. Don’t hesitate to tell others you care.
For another perspective on becoming a better listener, visit 7 Powerful Tips To Becoming a Better Listener.
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